I'll be back

It's been a while and if I'm honest, this year's posts haven't been really my top quality.

And writing that I'll do better or apologizing for lack of content isn't real content.
This year I've been (and still am) in a deep valley of  feeling depressed and stressed out. And if I have tremendous problems getting out of bed (even without an alarm) then what will motivate me to blog again?

That feeling that I used to have when I write, vent and create.

It's hard to describe. It's somewhere between feeling a bit fulfilled and proud and relieved. And sometimes it feels like a weight is lifted off me (usually when I need to vent or when I review something). Or my mind calms down to the point where I can watch paint dry on the wall without getting distracted.

But sometimes it also brings negative feelings. Like, when I make spelling or grammar errors and I see it afterwards. It creates a feeling of annoyance and failure. Or when I write a post in a haste and it turns out bleh, the feeling of unfulfillment. And if you feel down like I do, then the fear of the negative emotions of writing a post outweighs the positive.

I also have trouble finding a topic to write about or writing something that makes sense, you know? Maybe that's because I know that between the robot generated views there are a few real people (outside my two or maybe three friends) that read this stuff. And some even come back!

But I'm trying to dig myself out of the ditch because this pale-ass person needs some tan and that's impossible in the valley of despair. So I made a list with posts that I should and need to write starting August. I made a list of all the posts up till December and I found out that I usually (should) write nine posts a month since I want to keep the Tuesday-Friday schedule. And I had fun making the list so let's hope that I'll stick with it. And why August? Because I'm going on a two week vacation this Saturday. Maybe I'll post this Friday and next Tuesday, depends how much time I'll have.

So hopefully till Friday :)